The Pancake Episode
by The 41st Maguanac
Summary: Finally completed! Are Duo's days numbered when he is swallowed by the blob? What ARE Quatre and Trowa doing in that cupboard? Can Heero save the day armed with only a pair of curling tongs and a hairdryer?
1. Default Chapter

The Pancake Episode  
By The 41st Magaunac  
  
Part 1  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!  
  
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!  
  
It was another ordinary day in the year After Colony 195… well, about as normal as things get when you're talking about 5 Gundam pilots with the collective sanity of a half chewed candy cane…  
  
Of course, today was not just any day. Today was Shrove Tuesday, or better known to the world as Pancake Day, and the group had congregated at Chez Winner to chow down. Of course, there was one minor problem…  
  
"SICK??!!" expostulated Quatre Winner into the phone receiver. "But, he can't be sick!"  
  
A mumbling came from the other end of the line, and the young blonde stood, and ran his fingers through his bangs with a somewhat pained expression on his face.  
  
"Yes, yes, okay. Well, thank you anyway," he said eventually, and replaced the receiver. Duo poked his head out of the kitchen doorway.  
  
"Problem?"  
  
Quatre sighed, and rubbed his head. "Our chef has the flu."  
  
"So what does that mean for us?"  
  
"It means that if we want pancakes, we'll have to make them ourselves."  
  
"So that's it then. It's just us. Us and our own resourcefulness!" said Duo, putting his hands on his hips, making some kind of failed attempt to look like Indiana Jones.  
  
"My God, it's even worse than I thought when you put it like that," replied Quatre, making his way into the kitchen, and seating himself at the table.  
  
"Well, we're 5 Gundam pilots, trained in intelligence, speed, wit and cunning. How hard can making a few pancakes possible be?" said Duo, already beginning to rifle through the cupboards for the appropriate ingredients.  
  
Quatre merely turned a sickly shade of blue, and wandered off to find the Aspirin.  
  
***  
  
"I have to WHAT??!"  
  
"Wufei, if we want anything to eat today, we have to work together!!" said Quatre, who was beginning to believe that 2 Aspirin was definitely not enough.  
  
"I refuse to do the work of a weak woman! Injustice!!"  
  
Duo threw his hands up in exasperation. "What about team spirit?"  
  
"The team can kiss my ass!!"  
  
Trowa rubbed his temples, smearing some egg across his brow in the process of doing so. "Where's Heero? Shouldn't he be helping?"  
  
Quatre shook his head. "He said he had some kind of urgent business to attend to upstairs. I asked for him to come down again, but he threatened to 'tear out my beating heart, put it through the cheese grater, then use it as a pizza topping and force feed it to me, along with the rest of Oz's black-hearted organisation.' I think that's a 'no'."  
  
"No kidding," replied Duo. "Well, I think the first batch of batter is ready!" he added, proudly. "What do you think?"  
  
The other three pilots peered into the peculiar concoction in the bowl Duo had been stirring. It wasn't so much the fact that it was rather lumpy, or even that a strange skin seemed to be forming on the surface that concerned them. It was that it was green.  
  
"What the Hell is that gunk?" said Wufei, covering his nose from the rather rancid whiff.  
  
"Pancake batter, just like momma used to make," Duo replied, brushing mock tears from his eyes.  
  
"Duo, you never knew your mother," said Quatre, pressing a damp dishcloth to his nose to cover the stench. "What on Earth did you put in that?"  
  
"The usual things. Eggs, milk, flour, and some of this stuff, which is supposed to make it thicker…" he held up a bottle, which was now at least half empty.  
  
"Duo, you moron! That's my 'Ultra-Stay-All-Day' hair gel!" said Trowa, taking the bottle back, and sniffing it.  
  
"You use that stuff on your head?" said Duo. "I heard that it was banned in over half the world's countries, because people became impaled on the user's spiky hair…"  
  
"Yes, but it also makes my hair glossy, gives it a rich volume, and keeps it dandruff free! You're only supposed to use a little bit at a time, and you've poured half a bottle into a load of milk and eggs! God knows what the consequences could be."  
  
"Whatever it is," interjected Wufei, "it reeks, and if braid boy here doesn't get rid of it soon, it will probably cause the extinction of the human race."  
  
"I'm with Wufei," said Quatre, "Take it out the back, and throw it down the drain."  
  
Muttering about how unfair life was, Duo tottered off down the corridor, while the other raided the larder again.  
  
***  
  
'A little bit more hear, and some more there… See, this isn't so hard,' thought Heero to himself, busy with the complicated mission he was currently handling.  
  
'This is practically artwork! A bit more here and… damn, now I've messed up the bed! Oh well, it's not like Quatre can't afford a new one… Now, where did I put that bottle of stuff?"  
  
***  
  
"Damn Quatre, why do you have to have such a big house?" said Duo to himself, as he wandered down another long corridor. "Man, this stuff really does reek! I don't care what the next room I find is, I'm gonna dump this gunk!"  
  
By some strange twist of fate, Duo opened the door into a bathroom. "Thank God!" he said, and without a second thought, emptied the contents down the shower plughole.  
  
"All done. I'd better go back now and see if I can help."  
  
***  
  
"Duo! Put that down, you'll break it!" Quatre took the plates from where Duo had been trying to balance them in a rather wonky stack.  
  
"Oh, come on! There must be something I can do!"  
  
"Well, you can stop drinking all the maple syrup for one," replied Trowa, pouring some more batter into the pan. He was rather pleased with the stack he had created so far.  
  
"But I want to do something!" Duo whined, taking another swig of syrup.  
  
Quatre ignored him. "Wufei? Could you go and fetch some orange juice, please?" Wufei merely stomped off, muttering obscenities and comments about weak women and injustice.  
  
"Please let me do something! I wanna help! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!"  
  
"Duo, how much of that maple syrup have you had?" said Quatre, as Duo leapt across the room, as though on some kind of cosmic pogo stick.  
  
"Just a few bottles!" he replied, and leapt over to Trowa, trying to grab the pan. "Let me flip the pancakes!"  
  
"No way!" said Trowa, wrestling Duo for the frying pan. "You'll only screw it up!"  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"You let go!"  
  
As Duo lunged forwards, he slipped in a pool of raw egg, falling forwards into the cooker, simultaneously locking his foot behind Trowa's knee to keep balance, and plunging his infamous braid into the flames of the gas cooker. Trowa lost grip on the pan as he stumbled, falling backwards, as Duo's attempts to balance himself took Trowa's feet out from under him. With a crash, Trowa's butt hit the linoleum.  
  
"Ow! My ass!  
  
"My hair!"  
  
"My kitchen!"  
  
"My God! What the Hell is going on?" yelled Wufei, as he re entered the kitchen. Quatre was checking the cooker, Trowa rubbing his sore behind, and Duo…  
  
"Thanks Wu-man!" yelled Duo, dunking the end of his braid into the orange juice which Wufei had just trekked all the way to the basement larder to fetch.  
  
Wufei scowled and dumped the slightly steaming juice on the table. "What a bunch of fools! I don't even know why I put up with any of you!" he yelled, before diving straight into another speech about 'justice' and 'weaklings'.  
  
'That's odd,' thought Quatre, examining the discarded pan. 'Wasn't there a pancake in here?' Quatre looked around the room, until his eyes were drawn to half-cooked light brown pancake, half stuck to the ceiling, right about the head of… Uh oh.  
  
"Uhh, Wufei?"  
  
"… Justice is for the righteous! Weaklings such as you can never hope to understand the power of…"  
  
"Wufei?"  
  
"Silence! Can you not see that I am speaking?! Do not interrupt!"  
  
"B-but…"  
  
"Silence! Justice will prevail over the weaklings of the Universe, and you shall all…"  
  
The half clinging pancake chose this moment to fall unceremoniously on to Wufei's head with a resounding 'flump'. Wufei stood for a moment in total silence, as the half cooked pancake slid off his head, and fell to the linoleum floor.  
  
"Who threw that pancake?" he said, his expression showing nothing, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Duo merely pointed at Trowa, and backed up a couple of steps towards the doorway. Sensing trouble, Quatre pulled a colander out of the cupboard, and put it on his head, ducking beneath the kitchen table.  
  
"Now you have heard justice… It is time for you to feel justice! Prepare to die, Quiff Boy!!!" Wufei lunged forward, grabbing the pan from the table, and going straight for Trowa's head. Trowa moved nimbly, avoiding Wufei's swings at him, working his way to the other side of the table.  
  
"Wufei! Be reasonable!" yelled Trowa, as Wufei dumped the pan on the floor with a clatter.  
  
"Justice will be paid!!" yelled Wufei, grabbing the charred orange juice, and throwing the contents over Trowa's head.  
  
"My hair!!" wailed Trowa as his wonderful quiff went rather floppy. "That's it! You'll die in Hell!!" Trowa reached into the cupboard behind him and pulled out two beautiful china plates, then hurled them both at Wufei's head. Wufei ducked, and the plates smashed into a thousand pieces against the cupboard behind him.  
  
"No, not the china!!" yelled Quatre, sticking his head out from under the tablecloth, his make shift helmet obscuring his vision in one eye. A rogue saucer hit the back of the colander with a 'bong', which echoed throughout his skull. "Ow!"  
  
"Is that the best you have, circus freak?" yelled Wufei, grabbing 5 glasses out of the cabinet behind him, and hurling them at Trowa.  
  
"No, not the crystal!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"  
  
"I haven't even started yet!" yelled Trowa, reaching into the drawer behind him, resting his hands on the cutlery inside. "You think Catherine didn't teach me a thing or two about knife throwing?" He pulled out 3 knives, and sent them flying at Wufei, who dodged to one side.  
  
"No, not the silver!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"  
  
Wufei went for broke, and ran for the sideboard to pick up the massive bowl of pancake batter. "Aha!!"  
  
"You wouldn't dare…" said Trowa, though there was a touch of uncertainty in his voice.  
  
"Oh, wouldn't I? Clown fodder, prepare to feel the wrath of justice!" Wufei dived forwards…  
  
***  
  
'There now, nearly ready. I can't believe how easy this is! You do it a few times, and it's practically second nature.' Heero laid the little bottle of cream to one side. Now for this strip… ever so slowly, ever so carefully…'  
  
As Heero took hold of the strip, an earth-shattering roar of anger was heard from somewhere downstairs. Heero immediately went for his gun, forgetting that he already had the strip in that same hand.  
  
There was a moment of silence… then all Hell broke loose.  



	2. Part 2

The Pancake Episode  
By The 41st Magaunac  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!  
  
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!  
  
Part 2  
  
"You bastard! You bastard, you bastard, you bastard!!" Trowa wailed pitifully, dressed from head to toe in sticky beige mush. It was everywhere. It was all over the floor, all over the cooker, all over the table, it was everywhere! Great lumps of it were trickling down the back of his shirt and over his immaculate white trousers.  
  
Just as he was about to attack Wufei again, an even greater war cry sounded from somewhere upstairs in the house. Trowa had spent a lot of time working around lions, but he had never heard a roar like that before, and before he could even get a grip on Wufei's throat, a silhouette appeared in the doorway.  
  
He didn't recognise it at first. It looked like something out of one of those terrible horror films that Duo owned. It's face was pale green in colour, with huge furry feet, and a great mound of terrifying hair. As it stepped into the light, it only said one thing…  
  
"Omae o korosu…"  
  
"H-H-Heero?" said Quatre, as he stuck his head out from beneath the table again, glad that it had finally stopped raining kitchen utensils.  
  
It was indeed none other than Heero Yuy. The pride of the first colony was currently dressed in a long pale blue towelling robe. On his head he had a towel wrapped around his copious amount of dark brown hair, and was wearing a face pack. His feet were adorned with, what only can be described as, a pair of light pink bunny rabbit slippers. None of this, however, was as terrifying as the expression on his face, or the black revolver in his hand.  
  
No one really knew what to say.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Heero, simply.  
  
"Cooking pancakes…" said Quatre, taking the colander off his head, and playing with it in his hands. "Umm, want one?"  
  
"Not right now. I'm busy. Do not interrupt me again." Heero put his gun down, and headed off down the corridor, and back up the stairs.  
  
Wufei sniffed a couple of times. "Do I smell leg wax?" He looked meaningfully at Quatre.  
  
"No! Well if you do, it's not me!!"  
  
"That was really quite…"  
  
"Disturbing…"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
"Some things are best left…"  
  
"Unknown…"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
"Let's just forget that the last 10 minutes ever happened."  
  
Trowa stood up, and tried to brush some of the gunk out of his hair. "I am a complete mess."  
  
"You'd better go and wash up. If you head off down the corridor there, there's a bathroom with a shower in it. You can clean up there. I can probably get Rashid to find you some clothes that would fit," said Quatre, starting to pick up bits of broken priceless antique china plates.  
  
"Thanks," replied Trowa, heading off down the corridor. "I'll be back in a while… sorry about the mess…"  
  
Wufei shook his head. "It doesn't matter now," he said, as he steered Duo back into the room, from where he had found him cowering beneath the pool table. "We have someone to clean it up."   
  
Duo looked to Quatre imploringly, who merely passed him the mop.  
  
***  
  
'This must be the one…' thought Trowa, as he opened a door into a pristine white bathroom. He peered critically at his reflection in the mirror, and sighed as he attempted to do something with his hair.  
  
"Man, I'm gonna need therapy to get over this one…" he said to himself, as he fished some shampoo out of the cupboard above the sink.  
  
He stripped all his clothes off, and turned the shower water on, until the water was so hot that a cloud of steam was misting up the mirror, then got in. The water was great was washing out all the kinks and bumps he had picked up from his fight with Wufei, not to mention for washing the sticky slime from the rest of his hair and body. Feeling in a more relaxed and happy mood, he poured some shampoo into his hand, and started massaging it into his hair.  
  
He was getting so into the rhythmic falling of the water, that he opened his mouth, and started to sing a nice, manly song…  
  
"I'm every woman! It's all in meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" he wailed, surprisingly tunefully, as he started to wash the soap out his hair. He was singing so loudly, that he didn't hear the plughole beneath him begin to heave and creak beneath his feet. IN fact, he hardly noticed as a strangely dark green blob began to ooze up from the plughole, and gather around his feet, until the last second…  
  
"Ooh yeah! I'm every woman! Woah, woah, woah… WOAH!!! Sh-" were the last notes he sang.  
  
***  
  
Trowa's been gone for a really long time…" said Quatre, worriedly, as he helped Duo clean up the last of the mess on the floor. Wufei was lying across the sofa reading a thick book, his chin resting in one hand. Since his appearance, Heero had not been seen or heard from.  
  
"He's probably still trying to get the batter out of that hair of his."  
  
"Quatre's right though," said Duo, who was willing to do anything to get out of more cleaning up. "He has been gone for about an hour. Maybe we should at least go and knock on the bathroom door?"  
  
"All right then, let's go," replied Quatre, picking up the mop, preparing to wield it as a weapon if necessary. Wufei merely sighed and rolled his eyes, and set off with them down the hallway.  
  
When they arrived, Quatre tentatively tapped on the door. He could still hear the shower running inside. "Uhh, Trowa? Are you okay in there?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Trowa?" yelled Duo, banging on the door with his fist. When no answer came again, Duo grabbed the door handle.  
  
"Wait! We shouldn't invade his privacy like this!" Quatre said, backing up.  
  
"Quatre! We're all guys here! Unless you've got something to hide, right?" he nudged Quatre in the ribs and laughed. Quatre just sighed and looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Well, I'm going to cover my eyes, and you can tell me if he's okay, all right?"  
  
Duo snorted. "Sure, fine, whatever," he said, and opened the door, letting a large cloud of steam come out of the bathroom.  
  
The shower was still running… but where was Trowa?  
  
"Oh my GOD!!" yelled Duo.  
  
"What? What?! I can't see anything!!"  
  
"Then take your hands away from your eyes!" The sight before them revealed little which was out of the ordinary. The shower was still running, and there was a small pile of clothes on the floor, which Trowa had jettisoned earlier. The thing that had made Duo yell was inside the bath.  
  
"What in God's name is that??" yelled Wufei, covering his nose.  
  
There was a pool in the bottom of the shower, more than a foot deep of thick, green, foul-smelling gunk, which was bubbling and steaming, as though feeding off the heat of the room.  
  
Quatre went into immediate hysteria.  
  
"Trowa, my Trowa! What has it done to you?! Where are you?! There was so much I still wanted to tell you!! Don't be dead, Trowa!! Please don't be dead!!" He grabbed Trowa's pile of clothes, and held them to his face, sobbing.  
  
"Guys, we have to get out of here!!" yelled Duo, as a blob started to form in the sink as well. Whatever it was that got Trowa, it's gonna get us if we don't get out of here, right now! Come on!!" He tossed the sobbing Arabian over his shoulder, and Wufei followed him out, and slammed the door shut behind him.  
  
"It won't be long until it finds a way to get through that door. We need a plan, and fast!"  
  
"Keep running, let's get somewhere safe first. "Hey Quatre, what was it you wanted to tell Trowa anyway?"  
  
"He… well… you see… he still owes me 10 bucks…"  
  
***  
  
"First of all, we have to figure out what that thing is, and where it came from!" said Wufei, as they barricaded themselves into the kitchen again with the nearest available furniture. "If we can do that, there may be a way for us to defeat it."  
  
"I really have no idea," whined Quatre, practically lying on the table in his grief. " I certainly don't remember ever having a weird freaky green, hairy thing in the bathroom before…"  
  
"I think I might be able to explain something," said Duo, rubbing the back of his head, with a rather goofy grin.  
  
Wufei frowned. "What did you do, Maxwell?"  
  
"Well, you know that weird green batter stuff I made earlier? I kind of… Well, you see, I couldn't find my way to the drain outside, so I kind of… poured it down the sink.  
  
"Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!" yelled Quatre, who leapt up from his seat, and started to wring Duo's neck with his own braid. "It's your fault! You killed Trowa! Die!!"  
  
"Winner!!" Wufei pulled Quatre off of Duo, and sat him down in the chair again. "We don't know for sure that Trowa is dead. We found no remains, so there is a chance that he is still alive. However, it is obvious that I will get nothing accomplished while I am around you useless fools."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"That's right. I am going to go upstairs, and Katana and I will prepare to battle. I will be mentally and physically ready for the arduous duel that awaits me."  
  
With these final words, Wufei moved some of the furniture, opened the door, and then headed off up the stairs towards the attic.  
  
"Now what do we do?" moaned Quatre, sitting up in his seat.  
  
"The best thing we can do right now is get Heero to help us. He'll know what to do about this."  
  
"But he said he'd kill us if we interrupted him again!"  
  
"Well, which would you rather face? Heero, or a huge disgusting, stinky green blob?"  
  
"What were the choices again?"  
  
"Stay here, I'll be right back."  
  
***  
  
The attic wasn't big, but it was spacious enough to accommodate a large number of crates, which Wufei had stored up there over the time he had stayed at Quatre's house. Wufei searched the crates, and pulled out an old mat, a cassette player and some large candles.  
  
He sat himself on the mat, and arranged the candles around him in a circle, lighting each of them as he went. The cassette player was turned on, and played strange reedy music in the background. Wufei took the hilt of his sword between his hands, and rested them in his lap, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.  
  
"My preparation starts here."  
  
***  
  
Quatre sat at the kitchen table, nervously chewing his fingernails. "Come on Duo," he said to himself, "Where are you?" Duo had been gone what seemed like an eternity, but was more like only two minutes.  
  
He rocked back and forth on his chair, looking around the room, almost expecting blobs to start oozing from the walls. Was Trowa alive? Was he still out there?  
  
'I'll get myself a drink of water,' he thought to himself. 'That will relax me.' He took one of the remaining glasses from the cupboard, and turned on the tap, running it for a moment to make sure it was cold. He filled the glass, and then peered at the contents. It was faintly green…  
  
Quatre yelled and dropped the glass, which broke as he hit the floor. The tap was now oozing thick green, hairy slime in to the sink. He tried to turn the tap off, but found that it had jammed open. He fled for the doorway, and started to heave the furniture away, as the ooze filled the sink, and began to trickle on to the floor, making it's way towards him.  
  
He finally got the door open, just as the rapidly growing pool began to reach his feet, and ran into the hall, yelling, "Duo! Heero! Wufei! Help!! It's down here!" When no one replied, he ran desperate along the corridor. All the sinks in the place were spewing up the same rancid green liquid, and it was running into thick pools in the hall.  
  
Quatre ran into the living room, and seeing his opportunity, he flung open the large empty cupboard, and slammed the door shut behind him, breathing heavily in the darkness.  
  
Heaving a sigh of relief, Quatre leant back… against something damp…  
  
As he tried to yell, a hand clamped over his mouth, and Quatre was sure he could smell faint traces of… hair shampoo.  
  
"You wanna get us both killed?"  
  
"Trowa? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes. Now be quiet, or it'll find us."  
  
"What, exactly?"  
  
"That disgusting blobby stuff. I didn't see it for very long, but I think it's that stuff Duo threw away. I think it was festering down the drain, growing by consuming hair and other stuff down there. The heat and the water from my shower was the last thing it needed to gestate."  
  
"Oh. So what do we do?"  
  
"We do the only thing we can do, which is to wait for now, until the others think of a solution."  
  
"Can I ask one last question?"  
  
Trowa sighed. "Go on then."  
  
"If your clothes are still on the bathroom floor, then are you…?  
  
"Yes."  
  
There was a soft thud.  
  
"Quatre? Uhh, Quatre?"  
  
*** 


	3. Part 3

The Pancake Episode  
By The 41st Magaunac  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!  
  
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!  
  
Part 3  
  
Duo felt the strangest sensation of light-headedness as he entered Heero's room. Duo would never have dared to invade Heero's sanctuary usually, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Duo discovered Heero sitting in the bath, his hair was dry now, though he was still wearing a dressing gown, and his legs were clean and totally hairless. He didn't even look up as Duo entered.  
  
"What is it? Didn't I tell you that I didn't want any more interruptions?"  
  
"Well, yes, but you see there's this huge green hairy blob which is threatening to take over the house, and destroy mankind."  
  
"And what makes you think this is my problem?"  
  
"For God's sake, Heero!" Duo yelled, "It's a huge, psycho lump of green pancake goo! It's everyone's problem!"  
  
Heero rolled his eyes. "Very well. Mission accepted. I will vanquish this… creature." He started walking for the door.  
  
"You're going to vanquish the creature in your bathrobe?"  
  
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Heero put his hands on his hips.  
  
"Umm… no," replied Duo, scratching the back of his head. "By the way, what is it you've been doing all this time? You waxed your legs?"  
  
"Not that it's any concern of yours," Heero answered, "But the task I have undergone is necessary in the pursuit of my mission."  
  
"You mean you can't fit your spandex shorts on unless you wax your legs?"  
  
Heero gave Duo a glare, "In Lamen's terms, yes. You see the shorts I wear are so tight because…"  
  
"Listen, we are all aware of how tight your shorts are. You make Olympic runners look like they're wearing flairs! But, what is our plan?"  
  
"You said this thing spawned from pancake batter and drain hair?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then listen closely, and all will become clear…"  
  
***  
  
"This is ridiculous!"  
  
"What exactly?"  
  
"Us stuck here in this cupboard!"  
  
"Well, what would you rather be doing?"  
  
Quatre's mind boggled at the list of things that crossed his mind that he could be doing with Trowa, naked in a closet, but he did his best to ignore them. "We ought to be helping the others!"  
  
"In case it has slipped your mind, I will remind you that my clothes, whether stained with pancake batter or not, are still on the bathroom floor. Believe it or not, I have no great ambition to be running around your house stark naked while there's a weird gunge monster on the loose."  
  
"But we can't just stay here!"  
  
"We'll have to!"  
  
"This is ridiculous!"  
  
"Don't start that again," said Trowa with a sigh.  
  
There was a brief pause as Quatre stopped to think. "How about… how about I lend you some of my clothes?"  
  
Trowa snorted. "There is no way on Earth you'd get me into your clothes."  
  
"You think they'd be way too small?"  
  
Trowa snorted for a second time. "No! I mean, me in a pink shirt? I think not."  
  
"Yes, but if I could just lend you my trousers or something… It's gonna be a bit of a tight fit. You're a lot taller than I am… either that, or you could borrow my underwe…"  
  
"The trousers are just fine," said Trowa hastily, backing into the corner to give Quatre some more space to move.  
  
"Okay if you'll just give me a minute… damn… I can't see anything in here…"  
  
"You want me to give you a han… no, no, just forget I asked."  
  
"Right, that's the belt…" Trowa heard something as Quatre dropped it on the floor. "Ow, it's so cramped in here, I can't get my trousers off… I forgot to take off my damn shoes first…"  
  
"Try yanking them over your shoes. We don't have all day," replied Trowa, impatiently.  
  
"Damn it! Now I've got my watch stuck on my sock!"  
  
"Pull it out! Come on!"  
  
"It won't budge!"  
  
"Trying pushing it in first, and then pulling it out!"  
  
"What, push then pull?" Quatre ask, the dial of his watch getting more and more tangled in his woollen sock.  
  
"Yes! Push and pull!"  
  
"Push?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Then pull?"  
  
"Yes, damn it, yes! Get on with it!"  
  
"It's still stuck!"  
  
"Push harder!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"HARDER!!"  
  
***  
  
This entire exchange must have sounded very odd to the pair standing outside the cupboard. Heero and Duo looked at each other, and Duo raised an eyebrow.  
  
"The question is," he said, "What are they doing in there?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "No, the question is: Do we really want to know?" He considered this, then turned the cupboard door handle, just as Quatre yanked his watch free, and tumbled backwards into Trowa, knocking them both to the floor in a rather… awkward position.  
  
"Umm… hi," said Quatre, trying to sit up, but finding great difficulty, seeing as his trousers were still around his ankles, and his trousers were caught around his shoes. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Heero waved a hand to silence him.  
  
"I don't even want to know. What you get up to in your spare time is not our concern."  
  
"I guess the truth comes out!" laughed Duo.  
  
"All right I confess!" yelled Quatre, on the verge of tears, "Yes, I love Trowa! I hope the entire world knows it! I LOVE TROWA! There! Try and persecute me out of that, you fascists! He's the greatest person in the world, and I've loved him since the moment I met him! Now you know! Now everyone knows, and I'm GLAD I tell you! Glad, glad, GLAD!"  
  
"Actually, I was just referring to the fact that you wear 'My Little Pony' underwear," said Duo, quietly. An eerie silence now descended upon the group, followed by a few balls of tumbleweed, which appeared from nowhere, then disappeared just as mysteriously.  
  
"Oh… never mind then," said Quatre quietly, trying not to catch Trowa's eye.  
  
Heero was the next one to speak. On the other hand, he was about the only one with his mind on the mission in hand as well. "Listen, I've come up with a plan. Duo and I have collected some of these hair supplies… we think that some of them may be able to counter the effects of that hair gel." Heero passed out a hair dryer, some curling tongs, a hairbrush and comb, and kept for himself his bottle of leg wax in his pocket, in case of emergency.  
  
"Hey, I'm still naked here," complained Trowa, "Can someone please lend me something to wear?"  
  
"There's got to be something in here…" said Quatre, pulling his trousers back up, and searching through the cupboard. After a minute or two, he stopped.  
  
"Found something?" asked Heero.  
  
"Well… yes… but he's gonna like it."  
  
"Right now, we don't have much of a choice," said Heero. "What have you got?"  
  
Quatre carefully pulled the item out of the closet, and held it up for all to see.  
  
"No way," said Trowa. "No freaking way."  
  
***  
  
"Spirit energy, come to me! Lend me your power!" murmured Wufei, still sitting in his circle of candles. He hummed along to the soft music on the cassette player.  
  
"Woah woah, yah yah, woah woah, I'm every wom… WHAT??" he stopped and banged the button on the cassette player. "Someone's been messing with my tapes again!!"  



	4. Part 4

The Pancake Episode  
By The 41st Magaunac  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!  
  
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!  
  
Part 4  
  
It took 10 minutes of concentrated yelling, swearing and brutality to get Trowa into the outfit which Quatre had found in the cupboard. Trowa stood, totally forlorn, his arms folded, taking a leaf out of Wufei's book as he complained about the 'injustice' of it all.  
  
"You look cute!" said Quatre, with a small smile. "All you need is a little feather duster, and the look would be complete!"  
  
If looks could kill, then Quatre would have been hung, drawn and quartered by the look that Trowa gave him at that comment. It was enough to make even Heero's patented death-glare look like a loving gaze.  
  
"Of all the clothes in your entire house, you have to find me THIS??"  
  
"It's only temporary," replied Duo, who was trying very hard not to smirk, and failing very miserably.  
  
"I still don't see why I can't borrow Duo's clothes. He'd probably look better in this outfit anyway!"  
  
"I resent that! Is it not possible to have long hair these days without being called a 'girl'?"  
  
"Of course it is," Trowa snapped back, "But if you didn't have such girlish features to start with, maybe you wouldn't have that problem!"  
  
"Right that's it! Quatre, hold my jacket!"  
  
"Bring it on, pansy boy!"  
  
"That's ENOUGH!!" said Heero, who was beginning to get a headache. "Trowa, just accept the fact that you will have to wear that for the duration of this mission, and stop fussing. Duo, you just… just… don't say anything."  
  
"But a bloody MAID'S outfit?? Quatre has 40 Magaunacs working for him, and the best he can find me is a MAID'S outfit?"  
  
It was true. Trowa stood before them, the tallest and eldest of the group, dressed in a black and white maid's outfit, which came down just barely over his knees. Unsurprisingly, he had objected to wearing the hat, much to Quatre's disappointment.   
  
"The Magaunacs don't live here," Quatre calmly replied. "The rest of the staff do. It's just unlucky for you that this happens to be the maid's cupboard."  
  
"I'd just like everyone to know that I hate this."  
  
"Duly noted," said Heero, disinterestedly. "Now, we have to get rid of this goo thing."  
  
***  
  
Wufei stood up, and checked his outfit was smooth in the mirror, checked his hair was pulled well back, and that his sword was fastened at his hip. The cassette player lay in several pieces on the floor.  
  
He went and stood in the centre of the room, and looked up at the ceiling, as though staring into the sky.  
  
"It is time."  
  
***  
  
The group made their way into the hallway. The carpet was lost under a sea of green, which clung to their shoes (or bare feet in Trowa's case) as they made their way along it. Heero stopped abruptly.  
  
"We're close…"  
  
"Yes," replied Quatre, "The doorway to the bathroom where all of this started is just up around the next corner."  
  
"What are we looking for exactly?" asked Duo.  
  
"Though there is an awful lot of this green stuff, I think the creature will have some kind of form. A main mass of it. This is the thing we'll have to destroy to get rid of it."  
  
"Yes," confirmed Trowa, "I remember when it attacked me in the shower, it seemed to have some kind of mouth, or form."  
  
"We have no guarantees that any of this stuff is going to work," said Duo, looking down at the curling tongs in his hand.  
  
"Where did you get all of this anyway?" asked Trowa, looking down at the hairdryer he was bearing.  
  
"Quatre's room." Everyone looked at Quatre.  
  
"What?? I have 29 sisters! Don't look at me like that! Trowa…"  
  
"Don't bring me into this. I'm the one in the DRESS, remember?"  
  
Quatre sighed. "You guys are so mean to me."  
  
"And my heart bleeds for you, I'm sure," replied Heero, sarcastically. "Someone wait here, and keep an eye out for Wufei, or the creature. I'm going in."  
  
"I'll stay," said Duo, the expert lounger. "You guys head into the pit of Hell, and I'll stand right here."  
  
Trowa rolled his eyes, and followed after Heero. Quatre followed after him.  
  
They made their way slowly down the corridor, until they reached the door of the bathroom. The handle was covered in green slime.  
  
"I don't know how I'm going to explain this to the cleaner," said Quatre, as Heero reached forward and slowly turned the door handle.  
  
The heat inside was almost unbearable, as no one yet had turned off the shower. They crept slowly and silently to the edge of the bath, and Heero leant over the side to see…  
  
Absolutely nothing.  
  
Just a pool of green gunk left there from earlier. Whenever the monster had been there, it certainly wasn't there now. The 3 teens turned to look at each other.  
  
"If it's not here…"  
  
"Then that must mean…"  
  
"I know," Heero said, turning to the door. "Duo."  
  
***  
  
"Aah, this is the life," sighed Duo, as he pulled out a chair from where it was resting on the wall of the corridor. It was about the only thing around that wasn't too covered in green goo to sit on. "I wish they'd hurry up and kill that thing though. I'm so hungry! I should have brought a sandwich with me. Man, I don't think I'll be able to even look at a pancake after all of this…"  
  
Duo pulled his cap down over his eyes, and sat still, trying to doze of. However hard he tried, he could not escape the feeling that he wasn't alone. He tried to shake this feeling off, and leant forward in his seat, putting his hands together. He felt a warm presence behind him… and got the impression that someone was massaging his shoulders…  
  
"Aah, that feels good!" he crooned, as the warm masseuse worked their way across the sides of his back. "Just up a bit… then left… yeah, yeah! Right there!" He sighed in satisfaction. "That's gotta be you, Heero, you always know how to give the best backrubs…"  
  
"And I really wish I could claim responsibility for this one, Duo."  
  
Duo opened his eyes, and looked out in front of him. There stood Heero, with Trowa and Quatre standing behind him, looking rather concerned… but not as concerned as Duo was feeling at that moment… If Heero was in front of him… then who, or what, was behind?  
  
"Duo, try not to move," said Heero, quietly, as he made his way a little closer. Duo broke in a cold sweat. There was something warm, and green beginning to ooze down the front of his shirt.  
  
"Help…" he squeaked, in his least manly tone.  
  
"On my mark," said Heero, as Quatre and Trowa fanned out, "GO!"  
  
For the second time that day, all Hell broke loose. Quatre ran forward, plunging his battery-powered hair tongs into the depths of the green monster, turning it on to the highest setting. The goo immediately ran into the works, rendering the device totally useless.  
  
"My arm!" he yelled, "It's got my arm!"  
  
"Quatre!" yelled Trowa, "Just hold on, I'm coming!" Trowa ran forward, and wrapped his arms around Quatre's waist, trying to pull him backwards, while getting sucked inevitably deeper. He pushed a leg forward, against the side of the monster, but found that that too was being sucked inside.  
  
"Help! Now it's got my leg!" yelled Trowa, desperately trying not to fall over, not to mention expose himself. The maids were not known for keeping panties in the cupboard.  
  
Heero stood back a moment, as he prepared himself for combat. He pulled the waxing lotion and strips from his pocket. "I will eliminate all obstacles." He dived forward, flicking off the lid of the lotion expertly, and emptying a large amount of the contents on to the blob.  
  
"Heero…" Duo gasped, as his body was sucked into the mass, and the goo closed over his head, cutting off his oxygen.  
  
Heero yanked out a huge waxing strip and splatted it on to the side of monster, as it began to try and drag him inside. "Don't worry," he said, almost smirking, "This will only hurt a bit…"  
  
Heero yanked the strip back, and the monster howled in pain, allowing Trowa and Quatre to fall backwards, though Duo was still nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Quatre!" yelled Heero, who was getting sucked inside, "Throw me the hairdryer!"  
  
"I can't! I throw like a geek!"  
  
"You HAVE to!" yelled Trowa, as he fell sideways, as his leg was absorbed. "Quatre… I BELIEVE in you!"  
  
Quatre smiled a little. "Thanks, Trowa."  
  
"Quatre! The dryer!" Heero yelled desperately.  
  
Quatre lifted the dryer from the floor, and threw it as best he could over to Heero, who nearly dropped it in the gunge. "Take this, you cosmic lump of phlegm!!" Heero yelled, and plunged the dryer inside, setting it to the maximum.  
  
There was a low humming sound, and the huge ball of goo and drain hair began to slowly enlarge, like a bubble as the hot air inside grew and grew.  
  
"Everyone get back! She's gonna blow!" Heero yelled, as he got his arm free. Trowa was able to free his leg, and the 3 of them ran as far as they could get, before the explosion.  
  
Well, maybe explosion is a bit rich. There was a low, wet 'parp' as the bubble burst, spraying ooze all over Quatre's hallway. Then silence.  
  
"DUO!!" yelled Heero, as he ran as best he could back the way he had come from. "DUO!!" He ploughed his way through the vast quantities of gunge, searching desperately. "Can you hear me? Duo? Speak if you can hear me!"  
  
Heero waded into the centre of what used to be the blob, and delved in, using both his arms, ducking his head under. Trowa and Quatre ran up behind them, and stood looking on in worry.  
  
Heero finally emerged again, the braided pilot clutched in his arms, not moving. He waded out again, and laid the body on the floor. "Duo…" he said softly. "You can't be dead… please Duo, don't be dead…"  
  
Moved by the scene before him, Quatre leant his head against Trowa, who placed a hand on his back to comfort him.  
  
"I just wanted to say that… that… I'm sorry for yelling at you… for calling you stupid… I know you can't hear me now…" A solitary tear rolled down Heero's cheek, and he bowed his head, closing his eyes.  
  
"Apology: Accepted."  
  
Heero looked up again to see Duo looking up at him through tired eyes. "How long? How long, Duo?"  
  
"Since about, 'Duo! Can you hear me?'"  
  
"All that time you were awake?"  
  
"Yeah. I just knew that if I left it long enough, you'd reveal your true feeling for me, Heero," Duo replied, with a grin.  
  
Heero stood up. "Omae o korosu!! You BASTARD! I was going to give you mouth-to-mouth!!"  
  
"And you are still perfectly welcome to do so!" said Duo, cocking an eyebrow, and smirking.  
  
"You BASTARD! You SUCK! I grieved for you, damn it!!"  
  
Heero spun around as he heard Quatre and Trowa both laughing behind him. "I hate you ALL!" Heero stomped off to the kitchen.  
  
"Uh oh," said Quatre with a grin. "Someone's going to be sleeping on the sofa tonight."  
  
"And he may not be the only one," added Trowa, "I'm still pissed with this whole maid outfit…"  
  
"B-but…!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" A war cry was heard from the top of a nearby staircase, and the long forgotten Chang Wufei flew down them at an incredible speed, his Katana at the ready. He swung back, and charged into the mound of green stuff, which was all that remained of the creature, cutting and slicing, all the while yelling about justice.  
  
"Do you think we should…" began Quatre.  
  
"No. He'll figure it out on his own in the end," replied Trowa, "Besides, he owes me big time for some of the crap that's happened today. I need a change of clothes. This skirt is way too breezy. Commando really isn't my thing."  
  
"Well, I suppose we'd better go and get changed and cleaned up. There's no way we can clean up all of this mess," said Duo.  
  
"No," agreed Quatre, "I'll get the cleaners in as soon as possible. In the mean time, we'll have to use the rooms in the house that aren't too messed up."  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Trowa.  
  
"I don't know," sighed Quatre. "What sounds good?"  
  
"Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm starved. How's about we all go back to the kitchen and whip us up some more of those… guys? Hey guys? Quatre? Trowa?"  
  
And for the first time that day, the house was at peace. Well… nearly. Like I said, what can you expect from 5 guys with the collective sanity of a half chewed candy cane?  
  
Mayhem. That's what.  
  
  
END! 


End file.
